Seriously, I go on and on...
There are so many things on my mind these days. Since I'm graduating soon, there is so much unknown. I feel like if I keep talking to myself (or in some cases, people I don't even know) that I will somehow figure everything out.
I had a really horrible day two days ago. I had to go to school and talk to my voice teacher because I missed my hearing due to being incredibly ill on Friday. I think I was so tired (and hungry), that I had no idea what I was even thinking as I started to break down right in front of her and anyone else who happened to be around. Stress is the word of the month.
As many of you know, Dougs and I are considering moving back to Ireland. That is of course, if we can work things out legally here first and I'm allowed to be there. I have encountered every possible feeling about this from absolute fear to bursting with excitement. It's quite a rollercoaster, but I'm coming across some wonderful people online who are expats and one wonderful man in particular who has even taken time to write a book about it. Thank goodness I came across him! His book has given me some peace of mind to the point where I don't think I would die over there. The target date for our move was December, but now we think we will just go over for a month and give me a chance to take a closer look around Derry to see if I have any creative ideas about how I can get myself working.
At least I have a skill. Albeit and very obscure one. I know more about being a good singer than a lot of people probably do. AND I am a great teacher of piano as well (despite the fact that I don't play much anymore). I have heard that I may be surprised how many students I will actually get. If Dougs starts painting and decorating on his own, we could be in decent shape. Not as scared as I was before...just feeling a little more informed.
I need to keep in mind, that everything isn't going to come together right away. It is going to take time. I need the gift of patience (Something I lack sometimes),because in the end, I know it will all be worth it and I will love my life.
I'm going to sing the rest of my life and always have the education (which I will be paying for the rest of my life) to use to teach others and continue learning myself through teaching others. I will grow now....I'm but a tiny seed still and I realize this now more than ever (although Dougs tells me every day that I'm a "Big girl")
Things will come together and I need to find a new source of motivation. I think it shall be, to live well, enjoy life, and love and be loved. Positive Outlook!
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1 comment:
Yay a new blog!
Being informed is good. I'm glad you're taking the time to really think about this stuff, because it's obviously a huge change and always something of a risk (but risk-taking is good).
One good thing about Ireland and Derry is something you said as almost a drawback on the phone the other day - you said "they have so many musicians, they don't need musicians". But to me that indicates that they see the importance of music in every person's daily life, so perhaps more musicians are always welcome.
I wish you didn't have to be going through so much stress, though. I'm glad you're almost done with your Master's.
<3
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