So, I have a Farmville on Facebook.
Do you?
It's the most useless game ever. It was really fun and addicting at first because it was NEW and shiny. But after a few weeks of obsessing over "what time I need to go harvest my bell peppers? I can't let that shit die again." I started to question myself and my motives for participating in such a game.
Really, it's a nice game when you put it into perspective but I think there are a few things they could do to make it a little more interesting for those of us who like purpose.
Purpose has been something I have been pondering a lot lately.
To leave the topic of Farmville for a side note:
The other day I literally googled "How do I know my purpose in life?" and I was surprised to find a lot of really useful information. Anyway, I came across this website. It was an article. To summarize, the article said in order to find out your purpose there is this exercise you can do.
1.Open a new word document
2. Title it "What is my Purpose in Life?"
3. Write an answer.
4. Repeat step 3 until you are moved to tears by your answer.
I started with the thing that I knew wasn't going to move me at all "To be a famous opera singer".....I wrote about 6 different answers, some that almost moved me to tears but the one that actually made me bawl, which was my final answer was: "To love Douglas". Of course that SHOULD move me to tears right now...since I am marrying him in 27 days. Eventhough, I don't think that answer is my only purpose in life, it is definitely one that moves me. I think the exercise is good for finding out what is most important to you in the deepest since, as it should move you emotionally. Jobs and other things like that should take back seat to our relationships, don't you think? I know so many people who made their career goals more important than their "real life" goals and it's sad to see. I have been struggling with the career/life thing for the last few years of my life. But I think I am finally coming to some sort of conclusion.
Anyway, back to Farmville:
So in the game, you play and play and play. You get money and then you reinvest it. You can choose to help you friends (this I find cool) but when do you actually get to party with you friends and hang out with them in Farmville? Farmville needs a field party...yeah we can post signs on our friends farms saying "hey", but we don't actually get to do anything fun in Farmville with everyone else. I have this big farm all to myself...I get money, I lose money. I can get bored with this life very easily. Where is the love in this game? I'm so over hanging out alone with animals who can only move if I make them move. I hate the 30,000 coin tractor I bought. It sucks that I have to spend a dollar to fill it's stupid tank. Farmville needs a new feature. We should be able to share our crops with each other and bob for those stupid apples.
Sometimes my real life feels like Farmville....but maybe it's time for a field party.
In conclusion to my life's purpose, I think my best purpose right now is "to love and be loved". Isn't that what we all want anyway?
Friends. Love.
That is what life is about. The other purposes I may serve in my life will mean nothing if I don't have those two things. So, I will build from here starting today.
Love,
Diana
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
The Bay
When I was a little girl my grandmother and all of us grandchildren had a tradition. Every summer she would take us all down to Reedville, Virginia to visit my Aunt Ginny. Reedville in and of itself is like a lot of small Southern towns. It has evidence everywhere of once being a booming place, in this case a fishing village, with beautifully built houses in a place called millionaires row that make it obvious that very rich people once lived there.
My Aunt lived back in the sticks. There were houses around but you couldn't see them because of the trees and her place was very private and lucky enough to sometimes have a sand bar that acted as a beach for us.
We would go to the beach and just play. Most of the times I can remember it was My sister, my cousins Kayla, Laura, Dwight, Brian and I. Aunt Ginny had a paddle boat and a giant inner tube and that was all we needed for hours of fun. We all had amazing imaginations. I miss it now.
It is a beautiful place. At first, she just had a trailer and spent most of her time living in Manassas but now she lives there year round, has a double wide that looks like a house with a giant porch on the back so everyone can sit and listen to the water.
I hate to see some things change. While that place will always be beautiful and special, people started buying up the coastline and building giant houses on it. What do you expect when everyone with money has to have a beach house? Can't say I blame them though. Aunt Ginny got sick a few years back and I freaked out so bad that I went down to see her. Nobody else was allowed to come with me but I didn't care. I just hung around. I tried to make sure she was taking care of herself and not out in the yard. Well, she went out in the yard, but I think the fact that she has always kept so active is the reason she is still alive so I couldn't really stop her. I just wasn't ready to lose someone so important to me and I kept thinking this could be the last time I get to talk to her....and I still have so many questions about life.
Aunt Ginny always had this special aire about her. I think she has magical powers what with all of the wisdom she oozes every time I talk to her. When I was little, I thought she was like a fortune teller or something. Her presence makes me feel honored. She seems to understand everything and can read people, kind of like I can. I like to think we have a lot in common with being the oldest siblings. She has 14 brothers and sisters and I have one sister, but the personality similarities are still there. She is the closest to my grandmother as far as I am concerned, even though two of her other sisters, my aunts, live down close to her now. Grandma always used to say to me: "you have to be nice to your sister because she is the only one you've got and someday you are going to need each other"....she was right as I'm starting to see now. I love how close they all are and sometimes wish I had more siblings.
Recently Aunt Ginny said that she needs to meet my fiancee and approve before we run off to Ireland. Yeah..I need to get down there. She kinda does need to meet him or my life won't be complete. I don't know what I would do if I didn't see her again.
My point here is, everyone is getting old...and I'm scared people are going to start dying. Without me. As I mentioned before in my blog, I'm planning on moving to Ireland...what will I do if they all start to leave this earth and I didn't get to see them again? Crazy right? yes and no. I loved my childhood. My parents and grandparents did everything to make sure it was beautiful. My teens I can't say I loved as much, but from 0-12, things were golden. I was surrounded and cradled in love. Brought up all around it, that is why I am so good at it you see? If the people who taught me what love is fall of the face of the earth, I will just be so broken hearted. I'd be okay eventually because I know it's a part of life. Nobody knows that better than my Aunt Ginny's whose husband was taken away from her in a terrible accident many years ago.
So when I think about how upset I'm going to be when that generation of people in my life start to go, I'll remember that they too suffered loss. From what I know, my grandmother's sisters and brothers all had one hell of a go at life....and now it's time for me to take mine.
My Aunt lived back in the sticks. There were houses around but you couldn't see them because of the trees and her place was very private and lucky enough to sometimes have a sand bar that acted as a beach for us.
We would go to the beach and just play. Most of the times I can remember it was My sister, my cousins Kayla, Laura, Dwight, Brian and I. Aunt Ginny had a paddle boat and a giant inner tube and that was all we needed for hours of fun. We all had amazing imaginations. I miss it now.
It is a beautiful place. At first, she just had a trailer and spent most of her time living in Manassas but now she lives there year round, has a double wide that looks like a house with a giant porch on the back so everyone can sit and listen to the water.
I hate to see some things change. While that place will always be beautiful and special, people started buying up the coastline and building giant houses on it. What do you expect when everyone with money has to have a beach house? Can't say I blame them though. Aunt Ginny got sick a few years back and I freaked out so bad that I went down to see her. Nobody else was allowed to come with me but I didn't care. I just hung around. I tried to make sure she was taking care of herself and not out in the yard. Well, she went out in the yard, but I think the fact that she has always kept so active is the reason she is still alive so I couldn't really stop her. I just wasn't ready to lose someone so important to me and I kept thinking this could be the last time I get to talk to her....and I still have so many questions about life.
Aunt Ginny always had this special aire about her. I think she has magical powers what with all of the wisdom she oozes every time I talk to her. When I was little, I thought she was like a fortune teller or something. Her presence makes me feel honored. She seems to understand everything and can read people, kind of like I can. I like to think we have a lot in common with being the oldest siblings. She has 14 brothers and sisters and I have one sister, but the personality similarities are still there. She is the closest to my grandmother as far as I am concerned, even though two of her other sisters, my aunts, live down close to her now. Grandma always used to say to me: "you have to be nice to your sister because she is the only one you've got and someday you are going to need each other"....she was right as I'm starting to see now. I love how close they all are and sometimes wish I had more siblings.
Recently Aunt Ginny said that she needs to meet my fiancee and approve before we run off to Ireland. Yeah..I need to get down there. She kinda does need to meet him or my life won't be complete. I don't know what I would do if I didn't see her again.
My point here is, everyone is getting old...and I'm scared people are going to start dying. Without me. As I mentioned before in my blog, I'm planning on moving to Ireland...what will I do if they all start to leave this earth and I didn't get to see them again? Crazy right? yes and no. I loved my childhood. My parents and grandparents did everything to make sure it was beautiful. My teens I can't say I loved as much, but from 0-12, things were golden. I was surrounded and cradled in love. Brought up all around it, that is why I am so good at it you see? If the people who taught me what love is fall of the face of the earth, I will just be so broken hearted. I'd be okay eventually because I know it's a part of life. Nobody knows that better than my Aunt Ginny's whose husband was taken away from her in a terrible accident many years ago.
So when I think about how upset I'm going to be when that generation of people in my life start to go, I'll remember that they too suffered loss. From what I know, my grandmother's sisters and brothers all had one hell of a go at life....and now it's time for me to take mine.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Here's a new idea...
Hello to my loyal readers!!!...all like maybe 2 of you. :)
I have decided that I should write about the big move. I hate to turn blogs into emotional outlets but I think it may be helpful to someone someday if they see what I went through to move to another country because yes, I am moving to Ireland....sooner than later at this point. The date is still very undecided but it will either be at the end of August or the end of November depending mostly on where we are financially.
I am getting married. This is for sure in the next month or so. The actual proposal as such has not actually occurred. I know there is a ring and a plan brewing but I am completely clueless as to how he is going to do it....I'm trying to let him surprise me HA!
So....why am I moving to Ireland? Isn't that a little backwards? Well, yes. To put it in a way that may make you laugh, I feel that if this man is willing to put up with the constant headache that is me, he might as well get to do it in his own country.
Let's get real here, 1.) I don't particularly like DC right now. Everything is ridiculously expensive to the point where one must sell their soul to have a one bedroom apartment that is in a safe neighborhood. I'm not exactly here working for the government or in school anymore using loans to pay my rent. So, high cost of living is one thing.
2.) I love but hate my job. I love the kids (most of them), I love some of the parents, I HATE driving my car to every lesson. Call me a diva but I don't feel like I should have to go to them, even in the beginning of my teaching career. It makes me feel way too "at their service" which I suppose to some extent is true but it makes people think you are at their beck and call sometimes. I think people forget that my coming to their house is more like a gift because I don't get paid for the gas I use and the taxes didn't help much with that either. I would charge the same, if not more even if I taught in my own studio....so, that's the story there. There is no saying I couldn't get a studio sort of job but I know the cut would be even deeper in my pay. I just don't have and could not afford a studio in DC....something I hope to change upon moving to Ireland. I at least hope that I will be able to teach in my home at some point. Or, if I do drive, I won't be constantly frustrated by traffic. I will NOT miss the traffic in this area.
3.) My future children would be happier and healthier there. I'm not saying there aren't amazing, happy and well-adjusted children in the U.S., but there is a difference in the way of life and education and I like it. They can sort of run free like I used to do when I was a kid. You just can't do that in many places in America anymore unless you are in the boonies.
4.) The most important reason of all. I'm completely in love with my future husband and although I love and adore my family, I have not really been up there much in the last 6 years and everyone seems like they are going to be okay. If I felt my parents needed me up there for some reason, I would go, but I can't picture myself living or raising children in the town I grew up in or anywhere near it for that matter. I trust Dougs and he thinks I will be happy....mostly because all of my friends who were here in DC aren't anymore. Well, not all of them, but many of them. We don't really have many people here and there we would be surrounded my family and friends and people who love us and that is going to be the best.
I know I'm going to get homesick. Especially when I can't find good sushi in Derry or they don't have all the brands and things I am used to buying and suddenly a trip to the grocery store becomes a guessing game. I know I'll miss lots of sunny days and the occasional suntan. But hey, there is a beach 15 minutes away! It may never be warm enough to get in the water without a wet suit but God is it beautiful.
A famous opera singer once told my fortune. He said, "Diana, I think you are going to have a great life, it's just a feeling I get." Odd right? but this beginning could have been what he meant. Where I must have thought at the time he was referring to my voice (which at the time was well ahead of it's game), maybe he was commenting on something else he saw. I don't know what is going to become of my singing in the big move, but I will say this: I have always felt that if you are doing the right things in life and following the things that matter, the career will follow suit. You can't be anything without love. Love from others, love for yourself. Take care of your heart and your head will follow. That's what I've always done despite that fact that the head likes to get in the way sometimes.....and so far, I'm pretty happy with the results.1
Not to change the subject but....
I've been down a lot lately because of the lack of singing going on. I've been so busy teaching or preparing for summer camps, that I just have not thought much of my own singing lately. Nor can I continue to afford the expensive, high caliber lessons I would need to continue my singing at this time. I feel I know enough to go out and start performing once I get settled. I had considered a few summer programs and auditions but have consistently backed out because of money. Obviously, I'm saving for a big move and everyone seems to understand this, but sometimes not. I think I am also a little burned by recent events related to my singing. It never felt "good" to be done. I have not had that experience yet of knowing that I am done school. Perhaps because I still don't feel ready to move on and take the next step in my career and there is no real closure between my former teacher and I. She seems bitter at me for moving away....something that may be all in my head because I think she is trying not to care. In a few months I'm sure I won't care anymore and hopefully I will find the voice inside of me that is the one I want to share with people. I've never felt all that great about sharing my gift because people tend not to appreciate what I do. It's been more painful for me than good lately. Anyone who has any wonderful advice about this or experience with dealing with post-college burn out....please share words of encouragement. I'm really having a hard time dealing.
Back to something positive. Despite not singing right now, I love the life I'm building and I know it will all come back someday. Just need to take things one step at a time and realize that I have time.
All the best,
Diana
P.S. The big wedding in Ireland is (hopefully) next summer. Start saving everyone.
I have decided that I should write about the big move. I hate to turn blogs into emotional outlets but I think it may be helpful to someone someday if they see what I went through to move to another country because yes, I am moving to Ireland....sooner than later at this point. The date is still very undecided but it will either be at the end of August or the end of November depending mostly on where we are financially.
I am getting married. This is for sure in the next month or so. The actual proposal as such has not actually occurred. I know there is a ring and a plan brewing but I am completely clueless as to how he is going to do it....I'm trying to let him surprise me HA!
So....why am I moving to Ireland? Isn't that a little backwards? Well, yes. To put it in a way that may make you laugh, I feel that if this man is willing to put up with the constant headache that is me, he might as well get to do it in his own country.
Let's get real here, 1.) I don't particularly like DC right now. Everything is ridiculously expensive to the point where one must sell their soul to have a one bedroom apartment that is in a safe neighborhood. I'm not exactly here working for the government or in school anymore using loans to pay my rent. So, high cost of living is one thing.
2.) I love but hate my job. I love the kids (most of them), I love some of the parents, I HATE driving my car to every lesson. Call me a diva but I don't feel like I should have to go to them, even in the beginning of my teaching career. It makes me feel way too "at their service" which I suppose to some extent is true but it makes people think you are at their beck and call sometimes. I think people forget that my coming to their house is more like a gift because I don't get paid for the gas I use and the taxes didn't help much with that either. I would charge the same, if not more even if I taught in my own studio....so, that's the story there. There is no saying I couldn't get a studio sort of job but I know the cut would be even deeper in my pay. I just don't have and could not afford a studio in DC....something I hope to change upon moving to Ireland. I at least hope that I will be able to teach in my home at some point. Or, if I do drive, I won't be constantly frustrated by traffic. I will NOT miss the traffic in this area.
3.) My future children would be happier and healthier there. I'm not saying there aren't amazing, happy and well-adjusted children in the U.S., but there is a difference in the way of life and education and I like it. They can sort of run free like I used to do when I was a kid. You just can't do that in many places in America anymore unless you are in the boonies.
4.) The most important reason of all. I'm completely in love with my future husband and although I love and adore my family, I have not really been up there much in the last 6 years and everyone seems like they are going to be okay. If I felt my parents needed me up there for some reason, I would go, but I can't picture myself living or raising children in the town I grew up in or anywhere near it for that matter. I trust Dougs and he thinks I will be happy....mostly because all of my friends who were here in DC aren't anymore. Well, not all of them, but many of them. We don't really have many people here and there we would be surrounded my family and friends and people who love us and that is going to be the best.
I know I'm going to get homesick. Especially when I can't find good sushi in Derry or they don't have all the brands and things I am used to buying and suddenly a trip to the grocery store becomes a guessing game. I know I'll miss lots of sunny days and the occasional suntan. But hey, there is a beach 15 minutes away! It may never be warm enough to get in the water without a wet suit but God is it beautiful.
A famous opera singer once told my fortune. He said, "Diana, I think you are going to have a great life, it's just a feeling I get." Odd right? but this beginning could have been what he meant. Where I must have thought at the time he was referring to my voice (which at the time was well ahead of it's game), maybe he was commenting on something else he saw. I don't know what is going to become of my singing in the big move, but I will say this: I have always felt that if you are doing the right things in life and following the things that matter, the career will follow suit. You can't be anything without love. Love from others, love for yourself. Take care of your heart and your head will follow. That's what I've always done despite that fact that the head likes to get in the way sometimes.....and so far, I'm pretty happy with the results.1
Not to change the subject but....
I've been down a lot lately because of the lack of singing going on. I've been so busy teaching or preparing for summer camps, that I just have not thought much of my own singing lately. Nor can I continue to afford the expensive, high caliber lessons I would need to continue my singing at this time. I feel I know enough to go out and start performing once I get settled. I had considered a few summer programs and auditions but have consistently backed out because of money. Obviously, I'm saving for a big move and everyone seems to understand this, but sometimes not. I think I am also a little burned by recent events related to my singing. It never felt "good" to be done. I have not had that experience yet of knowing that I am done school. Perhaps because I still don't feel ready to move on and take the next step in my career and there is no real closure between my former teacher and I. She seems bitter at me for moving away....something that may be all in my head because I think she is trying not to care. In a few months I'm sure I won't care anymore and hopefully I will find the voice inside of me that is the one I want to share with people. I've never felt all that great about sharing my gift because people tend not to appreciate what I do. It's been more painful for me than good lately. Anyone who has any wonderful advice about this or experience with dealing with post-college burn out....please share words of encouragement. I'm really having a hard time dealing.
Back to something positive. Despite not singing right now, I love the life I'm building and I know it will all come back someday. Just need to take things one step at a time and realize that I have time.
All the best,
Diana
P.S. The big wedding in Ireland is (hopefully) next summer. Start saving everyone.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Creative Outlet
Okay, I know like two people read this...but I'm considering starting a new blog somewhere...a creative one. One that just embraces all of my personal creation instead of interpreting everyone elses (which I am now an expert at thanks to my education in singing) I want to write now...but I'm so bad at it. I don't know what you would call the kind of music I even want to write. Or even the kind of painting or writing I want to do....I just have some things I need to get out of my that have been hiding (not on purpose but for lack of time). I want to create.
Any advices on this topic are welcome...
<3
Any advices on this topic are welcome...
<3
Thursday, April 9, 2009
I talk too much...
Seriously, I go on and on...
There are so many things on my mind these days. Since I'm graduating soon, there is so much unknown. I feel like if I keep talking to myself (or in some cases, people I don't even know) that I will somehow figure everything out.
I had a really horrible day two days ago. I had to go to school and talk to my voice teacher because I missed my hearing due to being incredibly ill on Friday. I think I was so tired (and hungry), that I had no idea what I was even thinking as I started to break down right in front of her and anyone else who happened to be around. Stress is the word of the month.
As many of you know, Dougs and I are considering moving back to Ireland. That is of course, if we can work things out legally here first and I'm allowed to be there. I have encountered every possible feeling about this from absolute fear to bursting with excitement. It's quite a rollercoaster, but I'm coming across some wonderful people online who are expats and one wonderful man in particular who has even taken time to write a book about it. Thank goodness I came across him! His book has given me some peace of mind to the point where I don't think I would die over there. The target date for our move was December, but now we think we will just go over for a month and give me a chance to take a closer look around Derry to see if I have any creative ideas about how I can get myself working.
At least I have a skill. Albeit and very obscure one. I know more about being a good singer than a lot of people probably do. AND I am a great teacher of piano as well (despite the fact that I don't play much anymore). I have heard that I may be surprised how many students I will actually get. If Dougs starts painting and decorating on his own, we could be in decent shape. Not as scared as I was before...just feeling a little more informed.
I need to keep in mind, that everything isn't going to come together right away. It is going to take time. I need the gift of patience (Something I lack sometimes),because in the end, I know it will all be worth it and I will love my life.
I'm going to sing the rest of my life and always have the education (which I will be paying for the rest of my life) to use to teach others and continue learning myself through teaching others. I will grow now....I'm but a tiny seed still and I realize this now more than ever (although Dougs tells me every day that I'm a "Big girl")
Things will come together and I need to find a new source of motivation. I think it shall be, to live well, enjoy life, and love and be loved. Positive Outlook!
There are so many things on my mind these days. Since I'm graduating soon, there is so much unknown. I feel like if I keep talking to myself (or in some cases, people I don't even know) that I will somehow figure everything out.
I had a really horrible day two days ago. I had to go to school and talk to my voice teacher because I missed my hearing due to being incredibly ill on Friday. I think I was so tired (and hungry), that I had no idea what I was even thinking as I started to break down right in front of her and anyone else who happened to be around. Stress is the word of the month.
As many of you know, Dougs and I are considering moving back to Ireland. That is of course, if we can work things out legally here first and I'm allowed to be there. I have encountered every possible feeling about this from absolute fear to bursting with excitement. It's quite a rollercoaster, but I'm coming across some wonderful people online who are expats and one wonderful man in particular who has even taken time to write a book about it. Thank goodness I came across him! His book has given me some peace of mind to the point where I don't think I would die over there. The target date for our move was December, but now we think we will just go over for a month and give me a chance to take a closer look around Derry to see if I have any creative ideas about how I can get myself working.
At least I have a skill. Albeit and very obscure one. I know more about being a good singer than a lot of people probably do. AND I am a great teacher of piano as well (despite the fact that I don't play much anymore). I have heard that I may be surprised how many students I will actually get. If Dougs starts painting and decorating on his own, we could be in decent shape. Not as scared as I was before...just feeling a little more informed.
I need to keep in mind, that everything isn't going to come together right away. It is going to take time. I need the gift of patience (Something I lack sometimes),because in the end, I know it will all be worth it and I will love my life.
I'm going to sing the rest of my life and always have the education (which I will be paying for the rest of my life) to use to teach others and continue learning myself through teaching others. I will grow now....I'm but a tiny seed still and I realize this now more than ever (although Dougs tells me every day that I'm a "Big girl")
Things will come together and I need to find a new source of motivation. I think it shall be, to live well, enjoy life, and love and be loved. Positive Outlook!
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Life News
Ok a GIANT update for all of those who aren't "in the know"
I have an amazing boyfriend and that is all I'm going to say...if you want to know more you will have to ask or leave me to my own little perfect world...because I love it. The sad part is....he is in Ireland until god knows when...but I will see him soon.
I have ONE MORE YEAR of school! ONE MORE YEAR!!! AHHH!
I just started taking 2 summer classes...Skandinavian Diction and Harmony Review (wha wha) boorrringgg..oh well.
I'm moving at the end of August to Gregg Martin's house for awhile.....at least until things get situated and my bf gets back from Ireland.
I am starting to work on stuff for a recital! Keep in touch cuz it will be in Late November/December.
Thats about all thats even remotely new..
till later...
I have an amazing boyfriend and that is all I'm going to say...if you want to know more you will have to ask or leave me to my own little perfect world...because I love it. The sad part is....he is in Ireland until god knows when...but I will see him soon.
I have ONE MORE YEAR of school! ONE MORE YEAR!!! AHHH!
I just started taking 2 summer classes...Skandinavian Diction and Harmony Review (wha wha) boorrringgg..oh well.
I'm moving at the end of August to Gregg Martin's house for awhile.....at least until things get situated and my bf gets back from Ireland.
I am starting to work on stuff for a recital! Keep in touch cuz it will be in Late November/December.
Thats about all thats even remotely new..
till later...
Sunday, June 29, 2008
hi
Why do I love people so much? Seriously.....I love reading back in my journal and seeing how wrong I was all the time. But you don't know you are wrong until you are wrong....and who can really know if they have ever got it right? All I can really know if how I feel now...and how I hope I will feel in the future.
Yea, I have a new boy....boys come and go and they all have something special about them...it's finding the one that you can spend your life with. I have someone in my life right now who makes me really happy....and that is all the matters right?
Im truly blissful....eventhough he is across the pond right now. Just because I know he loves me.
Yea, I have a new boy....boys come and go and they all have something special about them...it's finding the one that you can spend your life with. I have someone in my life right now who makes me really happy....and that is all the matters right?
Im truly blissful....eventhough he is across the pond right now. Just because I know he loves me.
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