Here's a new idea...

Hello to my loyal readers!!!...all like maybe 2 of you. :)

I have decided that I should write about the big move. I hate to turn blogs into emotional outlets but I think it may be helpful to someone someday if they see what I went through to move to another country because yes, I am moving to Ireland....sooner than later at this point. The date is still very undecided but it will either be at the end of August or the end of November depending mostly on where we are financially.

I am getting married. This is for sure in the next month or so. The actual proposal as such has not actually occurred. I know there is a ring and a plan brewing but I am completely clueless as to how he is going to do it....I'm trying to let him surprise me HA!

So....why am I moving to Ireland? Isn't that a little backwards? Well, yes. To put it in a way that may make you laugh, I feel that if this man is willing to put up with the constant headache that is me, he might as well get to do it in his own country.

Let's get real here, 1.) I don't particularly like DC right now. Everything is ridiculously expensive to the point where one must sell their soul to have a one bedroom apartment that is in a safe neighborhood. I'm not exactly here working for the government or in school anymore using loans to pay my rent. So, high cost of living is one thing.

2.) I love but hate my job. I love the kids (most of them), I love some of the parents, I HATE driving my car to every lesson. Call me a diva but I don't feel like I should have to go to them, even in the beginning of my teaching career. It makes me feel way too "at their service" which I suppose to some extent is true but it makes people think you are at their beck and call sometimes. I think people forget that my coming to their house is more like a gift because I don't get paid for the gas I use and the taxes didn't help much with that either. I would charge the same, if not more even if I taught in my own studio....so, that's the story there. There is no saying I couldn't get a studio sort of job but I know the cut would be even deeper in my pay. I just don't have and could not afford a studio in DC....something I hope to change upon moving to Ireland. I at least hope that I will be able to teach in my home at some point. Or, if I do drive, I won't be constantly frustrated by traffic. I will NOT miss the traffic in this area.

3.) My future children would be happier and healthier there. I'm not saying there aren't amazing, happy and well-adjusted children in the U.S., but there is a difference in the way of life and education and I like it. They can sort of run free like I used to do when I was a kid. You just can't do that in many places in America anymore unless you are in the boonies.

4.) The most important reason of all. I'm completely in love with my future husband and although I love and adore my family, I have not really been up there much in the last 6 years and everyone seems like they are going to be okay. If I felt my parents needed me up there for some reason, I would go, but I can't picture myself living or raising children in the town I grew up in or anywhere near it for that matter. I trust Dougs and he thinks I will be happy....mostly because all of my friends who were here in DC aren't anymore. Well, not all of them, but many of them. We don't really have many people here and there we would be surrounded my family and friends and people who love us and that is going to be the best.

I know I'm going to get homesick. Especially when I can't find good sushi in Derry or they don't have all the brands and things I am used to buying and suddenly a trip to the grocery store becomes a guessing game. I know I'll miss lots of sunny days and the occasional suntan. But hey, there is a beach 15 minutes away! It may never be warm enough to get in the water without a wet suit but God is it beautiful.

A famous opera singer once told my fortune. He said, "Diana, I think you are going to have a great life, it's just a feeling I get." Odd right? but this beginning could have been what he meant. Where I must have thought at the time he was referring to my voice (which at the time was well ahead of it's game), maybe he was commenting on something else he saw. I don't know what is going to become of my singing in the big move, but I will say this: I have always felt that if you are doing the right things in life and following the things that matter, the career will follow suit. You can't be anything without love. Love from others, love for yourself. Take care of your heart and your head will follow. That's what I've always done despite that fact that the head likes to get in the way sometimes.....and so far, I'm pretty happy with the results.1

Not to change the subject but....

I've been down a lot lately because of the lack of singing going on. I've been so busy teaching or preparing for summer camps, that I just have not thought much of my own singing lately. Nor can I continue to afford the expensive, high caliber lessons I would need to continue my singing at this time. I feel I know enough to go out and start performing once I get settled. I had considered a few summer programs and auditions but have consistently backed out because of money. Obviously, I'm saving for a big move and everyone seems to understand this, but sometimes not. I think I am also a little burned by recent events related to my singing. It never felt "good" to be done. I have not had that experience yet of knowing that I am done school. Perhaps because I still don't feel ready to move on and take the next step in my career and there is no real closure between my former teacher and I. She seems bitter at me for moving away....something that may be all in my head because I think she is trying not to care. In a few months I'm sure I won't care anymore and hopefully I will find the voice inside of me that is the one I want to share with people. I've never felt all that great about sharing my gift because people tend not to appreciate what I do. It's been more painful for me than good lately. Anyone who has any wonderful advice about this or experience with dealing with post-college burn out....please share words of encouragement. I'm really having a hard time dealing.

Back to something positive. Despite not singing right now, I love the life I'm building and I know it will all come back someday. Just need to take things one step at a time and realize that I have time.

All the best,
Diana

P.S. The big wedding in Ireland is (hopefully) next summer. Start saving everyone.