Back to the blogger

It has been awhile since I have done the blog thing and I find that it is probably th best way for me to keep in touch with many of my friends as they seem to have scattered across the country, over the river, through the woods, just generally gone away. :(

Not going to lie, things have been rough in the life of Diana...but in a lot of ways it has been the best thing for me. This is a nice fresh start, a new book to open and start writing things in.

In life news, I have a new boyfriend. Everyone has their own opinion about that fact but mine remains the same. I like him a lot, he makes me happy (just so long as I don't lose sight of the purpose of relationships) So, my friend is a little younger than me, this proves to be a challenge only about 10% of the time. I like the person he is right now and I know I will like the person he becomes in the next 4 years as he is in undergrad. BUT I try not to think of that too much because then it starts to feel like I am only in love with the future. I'm certainly trying to find happiness in everyday life instead of living in the future.

I am on a plan right now. I am trying to become a better person. I feel like improvement of me as a singer has been my only focus the last few years, thus me as a whole person has suffered tremendously. It is probably a well known fact that I do not have a lot of girlfriends. The reasons for that continue to echo from my past, but I am trying to overlook my prejudices against being friends with women. I am trying to just be friendly to everyone and be as warm as possible. In rehearsals, I am much quicker to tell you "you are doing a really great job" or "you sound beautiful" than I ever was in the past. I have a great deal more respect now that I am a grad student especially from the freshmen....and I feel like I need to make the best example to them and my collegues about how to display yourself. Undergrad was indeed much like high school, take 2. I'm glad I am past that time in my life. I would NEVER go back.

Confidence is the first key. Confidence is something that everyone struggles with. It has taken me my lifetime so far to figure out how to display confidence and I find that it only comes with the hard work that you put into what you are doing. I can't be confident if I don't know my music....so a whole new era has begun as far as me spending more time with my scores and characters. (Part of this I can attribute to being a grad student and having more time in general)

I have taken an interesting turn in my faith as well. For a long time I had forgotten about the whole idea of God's role in my life. I had forgotten the reasons that I sing, or the reasons we try to be good to one another. God seems to have a nice plan for me in all areas of my life, not just singing. I was always afraid that God was going to push me down a path I did not want to go down because I was afraid that would mean I would have to make a choice between people in my life and being with God...but I don't. Especially now that I have someone in my life who will be right there with God and I. But even if I weren't dating a Christian whose relationship with God is much more developed than mine was at his age, God would not stop me from being with whoever I wanted to be with...just so long as I stop to ask, "God, what is your dream for me?" So I guess I am trying to be the best version of myself I can be. Good idea right?

So, it may sound a little cheesy, but I am going to try to document this here. AND offer some insight as to how this all came about.

I will tell you:
It started with a breakup and a close look at my life and a few books! BOOKS that have randomly arrived in my hands from a few people who much be looking out for me. One, my mother (who had NO IDEA the treasure she gave me) and my boyfriend's mother. Suddenly, women are coming into my life and offering a helping hand.

Sounds weird. I probably sound about brainwashed right now. But sometimes you just have to take a closer look at yourself. Where you've gone, Where you want to go, and especially, where you are now.

I'll write soon.